Soul Care: The Mercy of Letting Go
Him: "I know how much they mean to you. I encourage you to keep reaching out."
Me: "And if they don't reach back, I'm letting go."
The sign of a good partner is one who supports and encourages you and will tell you the truth while calling you to your highest self. This is a glimpse into one of the many cry sessions I have had with my husband over the years while navigating painful dynamics in a relationship that means a lot to me.
Do you ever replay real-life scenarios and obsessively think of all the things you wish you had done differently?
If I said this,
If only I'd done that.
If I didn't mention it.
If I didn't forget,
If I just went along with it,
If I could only explain,
None of this would have happened.
Sound familiar? I have done this oppressive mental exercise more times than I'd like to admit. Some of it is a trauma response, and some of it comes from a deep desire to be in right relationship with people. But I am not talking about the ability to be held accountable, to right a wrong, or to clear up a misunderstanding. I'm talking about the realization that no matter what I did or didn't do, the conflict revealed a consequential truth about the relationship that I had to face. I am talking about the acceptance of what I cannot control. The bitter and the sweet of choosing me. The mercy of letting go.
Intellectually, we can accept that if someone is committed to misunderstanding you, you must cut them loose and move on. In theory, we can accept that divesting from relationships that constantly gaslight you and make you question your worth is healthy. And while we can agree on the wisdom of all these things, a deep sadness needs to be addressed before we can truly live into it. This is the work. This is soul care.
An intellectual understanding does not remove the work of the heart and soul. A solid argument might make you feel justified, but it does nothing to address the hurt. Who wants to admit that despite knowing your side, they still choose to remain close to the person who harmed you? That the rift between you is agonizing yet they seem unbothered? What do you mean I'm supposed to walk away from the person who was my safe space? How do I reconcile that I don't mean to them what they mean to me? What do I do when I allow this hurt to show itself, and it is more than I can bear? I do not offer a quick fix to circumvent this part. But I want to tell you that it is ok to acknowledge it. You must, in fact. Invite it, give it room, feel its weight, and allow yourself to grieve. Let grief speak to you. It is part of the journey, but it is neither the totality of it nor the final destination. There is growth and freedom on the other side.
Transformation arrived for me when I asked my heart what it needed in the presence of my grief. When I sit with sadness and prioritize myself, not the needs of others, not a solution to the problem, but when I remember that I matter, I create a new pathway. Do not mistake caring for yourself as self-indulgence. When I decide that I have done all that I can do, it is no longer my burden to carry. I get to move forward, free from guilt and the opinions and disapproval of others. I remember that just as I am free to make this decision, others have a choice as well. In choosing compassion for myself, by letting go instead of waiting for external validation, I free myself and create room for things that bring joy, levity, inspiration, and affirmation into my life. Because I deserve all these things in abundance, and you do too.
Inhale: Walking away is not a punishment
Exhale: It is an act of love by me and for me
Inhale: I can love them and wish them well from afar
Exhale: My love is not a substitute for the work they must do
Rest and remember your breath.
Inhale: when I let go, I make room for the wonder and the joy of something new
Exhale: I am ready
Inhale: I am not burning a bridge
Exhale: We all have the freedom to choose how we move
Inhale: Today, I chose me. Self-doubt and rejection are not my portion.
Exhale: I am worthy. I am worthy. I am worthy.
If this reflection resonated with you and you're curious about Soul Care, I'd love to connect. You're welcome to schedule a free exploration call with me.
